My Brother - Pt 2

**I'm not sure I'll ever post these on Friday and Saturday nights as my partner now refuses to go to bed before I do (there's lots to unpack there in his own post). And I refuse to sit at a computer everyone walks by and can look over my shoulder and read what I am writing. So, if there aren't Friday or Saturday night posts, that it most likely why.**

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So, I left off with me being about 3 months pregnant and my SIL learning she was also pregnant. Like I said, I was pretty upset. Given their knack for needing/wanting to be the center of attention in 2001 in the middle of my sisters senior year, and now suddenly being pregnant yet 6 months prior told us they were one and done, this felt really suspicious. It got even more suspicious when they wouldn't tell us at first when she was due. When everyone kept pressing, it was a couple weeks after me. Then it became mid November. She didn't have my niece until 4 days before Christmas and even then, she was likely a week early because of a scheduled c-section and my SIL not wanting to be in the hospital over Christmas. Girl, please. If you didn't want to be pregnant or due around Christmas, maybe you should have waited another month or two. >_< 

Anyway. This leads into a bigger can of drama with them. My mom very graciously (free, not to mention using her own money to have extra diapers, formula, clothes, baby swing etc at our house) babysat my nephew on weekends since both my brother and SIL worked weekends after he was born. Mom, who was already working 40 hours a week at a high school would come home exhausted on a Friday night, my nephew would be dropped off to spend the night (mom chose to have him stay the night so she didn't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn on Saturday so they could drop him off before work). Mom did this for about a year I believe (they lived with us for at least 6 months right after my nephew was born because they had hospital bills, my sister was on leave from work, and they couldn't pay rent, which is another drama fueled story in itself that I'll try to come back to). Once they had my niece and they were both back at work, the just assumed mom would take both the kids for them. Mom said no. 2 was just too much for her after working 40 hours at the school and then having to care for a toddler and infant. To say my brother and SIL were livid is an understatement. 

They were pissed. Mom went back and forth with them and said if they were willing to pay her, she might consider it. They were offended by that. Hell, they were offended well before they were engaged or even had kids of their own that my SIL's dad babysat SIL's niece and some cousins and charged the families; "Its his family. It's absurd that they have to pay for their grandpa/uncle to watch them. He should do it for free." I believe they ended up asking her dad to watch the kids (which ended up being her dad, her mom, and her sister since that was their living situation); and yes, I believe she had to pay and/or provide necessary baby and toddler items and food for him to agree to it. 

The way my brother and SIL used their kids as leverage with my parents is astounding. I don't care if you're mad at my parents (mainly mom) for no longer wanted to be your free daycare, but those kids do not deserve to be put in the middle because you are both petty mother fuckers.

Nevertheless, life was really rocky between them and my parents. And it wasn't easy for me either. I would post milestones for my son on Facebook, and my brother would have to post something about his kids. As our kids got older and went to preschool, the competition (solely on his part; I didn't want any part of a "my kids better than yours" mentality, it's childish and uncalled for) only intensified. It got really bad when I was able to get my son into the STEM school we had been looking at for a couple years (Colorado is a School Choice state, yes we have schools we are "assigned" to depending on where we live, but we can fill out an application to choice them into somewhere else if there is room; that's what happened for us). I was proud of my kid (as one should be), but my brother grew green with jealously. His kids attended the elementary school about 2 blocks from where they lived (her dad ran them back and forth to school). But, her dad, understandably so, got tired of running the kids. So, they came up with the brilliant idea to try and choice them into the same school as my son. No big deal...it would be much easier on her family because it was literally a 5 minute drive from their house. But that wasn't the plan.

My SIL (I think) came up with the idea that if they were able to choice both their kids into school with mine, I could run them back and forth to her parents house. It was never asked of me, just an expectation because you know, the world revolves around them and caters to their beck and call. I'm not sure if I ever got the chance to confront them on it, but they either never filled out the choice applications OR they got a rejection letter. 

At some point, my brother tried to accuse me of being the competitive one. I don't even remember why or how it got brought up, but he tried to gaslight and manipulate me into thinking it was all my fault. That I'm the one that was trying to have my sons growth and progress compete against his kid. I'm not that kind of person. Like, never have been, never will be. It's not fair first of all to the kids for parents to pit them against each other with baby/toddler milestones and then school milestones. All kids develop differently and that's normal. We don't need to be competitive that my kid could write his name at 3 years old. That my kid was reading at a 2nd grade reading level by the end of kindergarten. It's called being an active parent and giving him the tools he needs to thrive later. And not just handing them a tablet or setting them in front of a game console or the tv all the time. 

Moving on. When my nephew had just started 5th grade, (if my memory is correct) my SIL's dad passed away. Come to think of it, this might actually be closer to the time they were talking about moving the kids to my son's school, but I'm not 100% certain; it makes sense in a minute, but again, I'm not 100% certain. Anyway. Her dad passed away. And not long after the memorial, her sister and mom said they weren't going to be running the kids back and forth to school (see why my theory about this being the time they decided to try and move the kids made sense) now that her dad was gone. There's no greater hate than angry narcissists. By the time the kids were out of school that year, they had moved all the way down south. To their credit, it was a much shorter commute for my SIL (don't even ask about my brother's employment; he had a GREAT job when the kids were little, then lost it due to his over inflated ego and went into a deep depression). I'll add in here, that my mom was big against the middle school my nephew would have gone to had they not moved. I went there in 8th grade when it was brand new. But, in 20+ years, the demographic has gone down hill and it's not the best. Now, mind you, my nephew would have been fine (I think), but because my mom worked across the street from it, had a strongly opposed to it. Back to the move. My SIL and brother tried to spin the story that they moved because my SIL's commute would be shorter and because they weren't able to get the kids into my sons school (I can almost guarantee they got my nephew in as a 6th grader, but not my niece as a 4th grader) and they didn't want him at the middle school where they used to live. Whatever. Y'all do you.

Their moving really strained the relationship of the families even further. When we all lived within about 15 minutes of each other, we'd meet for meals, my mom would BBQ, we'd meet and take the kids to the park, go on mini close vacations together. But when they moved, that all kind of stopped. Mind you, even when they lived close, the only time we got together is when my mom suggested it, made plans, and cooked; which was pretty shitty in itself looking back. When they moved, I don't think we got together more than a handful of times before things really broke down.