My Brother - Part 1

2 posts back to back? Yup. Only because the first paragraph of this I spewed in the previous post before realizing it was better left to a post about my brother. So, here you are: My Brother - Part 1

My brother went into the Navy out of high school (not sure how he got in as he had asthma which should have automatically disqualified him). He didn't make it past boot camp. They sent him home shortly after "graduation" on a medical discharge if I remember right. He moved back in with us (I was a senior in high school, my sister was a 9th grader), he wouldn't go get a job right away, spent his summers at the water park (his dream was to be a manager of the park one day, he never made it, and he wouldn't have made it, it's a story for another day), and spent what money he had like crazy. He bought a cell phone, he'd sneak out his window at night (the room he was in was downstairs, we live in a bilevel home), sleep all day. It didn't take long for my parents to put their foot down. When he and I started working at the water park as teens, my dad took each of us and opened a joint checking account at the credit union, so my parents always had access to our balances and money. So, they gave him a timeline to save and move out. They also started putting whatever money he had from his paychecks into their savings account, ultimately giving it back to him so he could move out on his own (we had a friend that confronted my parents and said it wasn't right of them to do that, it was my brothers money; I get it however, my brother was draining his account and not saving money to move out). Anyway, he got it back and he ended up moving in with his girl friend (who is now his wife). He and I still hung out, hell we had the same friend group, so why wouldn't we. Things started to become strained when he and his wife got married.

They lived together (separate bedrooms, as I said, we had the same friends so we spent a lot of time together  goofing around), dated, and then got engaged. The whole wedding planning process was a hot mess! My SIL did not want to be a June bride (which is fine), so chose the Saturday between Mother's Day and my sisters graduation and party. Mom was not thrilled (I don't think SIL's mom was thrilled either because it would minimalize Mother's Day), which I get. My SIL was super big talk about knowing how it felt to have a wedding planned during graduation and party (her brother and ex SIL did it to her 4 years prior, they "stole her thunder", her words). When mom broached the subject and said "that doesn't work for us"; my sisters graduation was during the week, then it would have been the wedding, and then the following weekend was my sisters grad party. Throw into the wedding week rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and it was not a good week. My brother and SIL scoffed, but ultimately the changed the date to March (I think they considered April but I don't remember). After the date debacle, things only got worse. Mom and dad were given a list of wedding things THEY had to pay for (quick google search brings this up, pretty much all of this was on it, as well as things the brides family traditionally pays for: wedding rings, DJ, alcohol for the reception, brides bouquet, boutonnieres/corsages, honeymoon) and my sister and I had to pay for our bridesmaid dresses, shoes, accessories (yes, we were supposed to be part of the wedding party*). My parents put their foot down. Said no way. Not happening. My brother said they owed it to them (why, I don't remember). My parents said no and gave them a very small list of what they would pay for (I know they paid for and hosted the rehearsal dinner at our house, but I don't remember what else they agreed to, I know it wasn't much at all). The wedding is where the strain on my brother and my parents relationship started.

Notice I said my sister and I were supposed to be in the wedding party. We ended up not being in the wedding party. My SIL couldn't decide on dresses. Originally, she had supposedly found someone to make all the bridesmaids dresses (I think there would have been 5 of us total), but they were going to be like $200 or $300 a piece. I was in college, working 15 hours a week, and my sister was a senior in high school so my parents would have had to pay for her dress. So we said no thank you and bowed out. Side note: she ended up with 2 bridesmaids and a maid of honor and all their dresses were this cheap AF velvet green (if I remember correctly) from like Sears or something. I'm not dogging it at all, but she could have done better. Also, second side note, my sister was part of the ceremony, they had her sing something (I don't remember what now); I only remember because my sister got to wear her prom dress to their wedding. Anyway, this was yet another strain on relationships. 

I could go on about their wedding and how tacky some of the stuff they did was (anyone know the saying champagne taste on a beer budget? that was them); the last thing they did that had us disgusted was when they sent out my SIL's bridal shower invites, they had little stickers for everywhere they registered. I kid you not: Target, Walmart, Dillard's, Sears. I think there was one or two more, but I don't remember where. And the shit they registered for? Holy cow. Keep in mind, they had already been living together for 4 years and had pretty much every household item a couple would need. But, they still registered for new household items, golf clubs, sporting goods stuff, vacuums. The list goes on. Oh, and her dad (rest his soul) told them to invite as many people as they could because it meant more cards w/money in them. >_<

When my brother and SIL decided to have a kid, we were all super excited for them. It would be the first grandkid for my parents. And my mom always wanted to be a grandma. Things went well. My nephew was the only grandkid for almost 2 years. Right around the time of his 1st birthday, my brother and SIL made a big deal about how they had decided he would be the only kid they had (my SIL is very overweight and had trouble conceiving my nephew and a very hard birth which ended in c-section, to which he father retorted "the doctor must have an early tee time.", not to mention my nephew was helicoptered from one hospital to another after he quit breathing and turned blue one night; ended up being reflux, and he was put on medication, it was still scary though). I was honestly cool with their decision. Personally, I think folks should heavily consider how many kids they want to have before they get married and stick to it. Plus, some folks who have 2 or more kids should have really only ever had 1. Also, there was also a lot of shit surrounding her pregnancy and the baby shower that had my mom and I disgusted by them (tons of invites sent out, again with the little stickers on where they registered, the shit they registered for; luckily my mom and I were throwing the shower, so when the stickers were brought to us to put in the invites, we only put Target and Walmart in them).

Fast forward 5 months, and I'm pregnant. I was scared and excited. I wasn't married yet, it was not planned, I was living with my parents (and the now husband) still, and we had also been looking at moving out soon anyway. Once I told my mom, she was over the moon happy. We had told my parents, my sister, and my brother and SIL right away (in like Feb); we were too excited to wait, plus it's family. We still moved out when I was less than 8 weeks pregnant. Well, fast forward to the beginning of April. I was settled and at peace that I was pregnant (heck I'd always wanted to be a mom). Excited to be on this journey. Mom and I had planned to go shopping for some stuff for the nursery (head start queen right here, lol), so I was on my way to her house when I got a phone call. I answered. It was my brother. He and my SIL were pregnant. I'm sorry, what? And yeah, I'm sure you remember above where I said they had decided my nephew would be their only child. I told him congrats and hung up. Then my mom called. I was in tears. She was angry. She had asked my brother not to call me right away. 

Just like my brother and SIL didn't want to steal my sisters thunder w/high school graduation, yet still planned a wedding throughout her high school year, I felt they were stealing my thunder of my first pregnancy by getting pregnant at the same time; especially given the circumstances of why they said they were only going to have one kid anyway. Now, to add bullshit to the pile, they tried to tell us she was due in like November (to make it look like they hadn't started trying the minute I told them I was pregnant), yet my niece wasn't born until the 21st of December. 

Anyway. I picked up my mom and we went shopping and talked for a long time about the "coincidence" that they were suddenly pregnant when I was pregnant, even after making a big deal of telling EVERYONE my nephew would be their only child. 

A lot of online friends I had didn't understand why I was upset that my SIL was pregnant when I was. We got to go through it together (her for a second time). It would be one thing if we had planned to get pregnant or tried to get pregnant at the same time. But, it's a completely different thing when I get pregnant, and then they hump like rabbits so they can be the center of attention. 

This is where I'll end this for tonight. I'm tired. And details are becoming fuzzy and feeling out of whack. I'll write and post part 2 tomorrow. :)